Anyone who knows me even a little bit knows that I am obsessed with pop-culture. So, with that in mind, may I present my Oscar re-cap.
Let's start off with the first person on E!'s red carpet, Mylie Cyrus. I thought she looked like she skinned a molting fish and then bedazzled the bejezzes out of it. Also, you're 16! You're cute! Tyra Banks wants to turn you into her weird spawn! We get it! Could you please pretend that you have a modicum of class? Please? Yelling at Ryan Seacrest and compulsively chewing on your lip is not appropriate for the Oscar Red Carpet. What were you doing there, anyway?
Zack Effron, you looked like a greaser. Try shampoo.
Amy Adams is so cute I want to put her in my pocket and carry her around with me. And I loved the dress! Red dress with red hair - very brave, you rocked it!
Marisa Tomei's dress looked like oriental fans. I still haven't decided whether I liked it or not.
Loved the hue of Natalie Portman's dress. My mom thought it looked like Pepto, but I think it looked appropriately young and festive.
Ann Hathaway's first dress was stunning, but I could've done without the one she wore for the skit with Hugh Jackman.
Hugh Jackman, by the by, is a beautiful, beautiful specimen of a man.
Tilda Swinton, I feel like I need to say something, but what? Blah seems to be her norm. The scary hair and makeup she sported in The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe was quite possibly the closest she's ever come to looking human. Blush! Mascara! Eyeshadow! They are your friends!
Kate Winslet can do no wrong.
Meryl Streep looked fab.
Sophia Loren looked old. Oh wait, she is. I don't remember her looking like that in Grumpier Old Men though. Of course that was what, 15 years ago?
Holy craptastic, Bat Man! Angelina's ear rings and cocktail ring were gorgeous! As was she, as always.
Last but not least, the entire cast of Slumdog Millionaire made me smile. I think they and only they understood just what an honor it is to be at the Academy Awards.